i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize