Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
