he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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