He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
