apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
