We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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