State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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