I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
