just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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