I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Quick, to the slutcave!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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