Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
