I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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