I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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