So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
