Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
