My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
