I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
pray to the hookup gods
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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