I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
