There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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