I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
