So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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