I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
