history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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