so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
