I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
