the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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