we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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