your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
