I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
