oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
