friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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