Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
His nipple licking is glorious
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