So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
