I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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