I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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