mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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