The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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