Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
