Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
