I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
