she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
