I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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