Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize