CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
