Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
