life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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