how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
