Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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