keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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