Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
