btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My dick has a subreddit
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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