Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
