wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
