Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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