My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
