I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
