I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
