one two three fourrrrnication!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
