dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
