It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
