I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
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AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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