dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
