I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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