i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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