His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
