I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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