Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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