all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
