So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
