Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
