I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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