why didn't you poke me back
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
