btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
